Okay, so if you have ever seen me, or especially have known me since high school/middle school, you know I’ve always been a bit of a “chunky monkey” (you will come to find out that I don’t say the 3 lettered “F” word). I’ve never been that popular, skinny girl. I’ve gotten by with my absolutely-positively sweetness and big booty all my life. It’s not easy for a chunky monkey out there… especially growing up. It got tough at times (and I’m SO glad social media wasn’t as big of a factor back then). I can’t imagine what kids these days have to go through…. kids are MEAN! Although some of those that made fun of me growing up have grown up themselves and became great, respectful individuals… I pray that they raise their children to not bully others for ANY reason.
I cannot blamed on my parents, or my health (thyroid, etc.) for me growing up chunky…. it was always MY eating habits. My parents tried their hardest to get me to eat healthy, but I never wanted any of that… bless their hearts. Within the past 10 years, I found that I have binge-eating disorder, meaning, I can eat and eat and eat, and never feel satisfied (although I feel full and to the point where I can’t eat anymore)– not the same as bulimia (I’d never vomit, that’s nasty), but I would eat till I literally couldn’t, then feel regret and depression from eating that much, and then eat those feelings away too. I take medicine for it now, which helps A LOT, but growing up, I didn’t know that I may have had it… I was just always hungry! And not hungry for veggies (which I just started eating about 2 or 3 years ago– I’m 27!), or fruits, or anything healthy for that matter. I was hungry for corndogs, hotdogs, chicken nuggets, french fries, chips, cookies, and more cookies (and can’t forget the twinkies!). It was about my freshmen year in high school when I hit my highest weight… I got to 275 pounds… and that was just the number I remember before I stopped getting on the scale, Lord knows what my heaviest was (for reference, Clay Matthews of the Packers weighs 255 lbs) – see the pics below for what I looked like in high school.
Now, fast forward 4 years– I went away to college, to Texas State University – San Marcos. It was there that I finally figured out that not only are kids mean, but sorostitutes (sorority girls – sorry, just the annoying, rich, mean girl ones… no offense if you are/were in a sorority, they are in fact fine organizations! ,<3) and frat dudes (can’t put on here what I really call them) are even meaner. That whole first year, I did not make any friends, minus my roommates and one I already had before I got to San Marcos. It got lonely, but I began to focus on myself and really began to “find myself”. Sophomore-Senior year of college I found myself alright… under almost 100 lbs of fat that I had been hiding under. I got to my lowest of 165 during my senior year of college. I lost it fast, but I felt great and was finally gaining confidence. It also helped that San Marcos is FILLED with hills and I worked in a restaurant where I was constantly on my feet. Those Texas State calves of steel baby! I had officially had the “Freshman -100 lbs”, instead of the notorious “Freshman 15”.
Fast forward again, to a few years ago after graduating college. I moved back home and packed on about 50+ lbs. It was devastating to myself to know that I had worked SO hard to get all of those pounds off and then I went and put half of it back on. I tried that first two years to go to the gym… although the gym membership I had before my current one, I only went to the gym TWICE… once to sign up, and one more time and found that my membership had expired a month before. Oops. I lost about 15-20 lbs with just walking in the afternoons and riding my bike. When Josh moved in, he would join me, which greatly helped. He has and continues to be VERY supportive about my weight-loss goals.
But I was TIRED of feeling like I had disappointed myself. So, I put my head into gear and joined WeightWatchers on December 31, 2015. I decided that I wasn’t going to do the “New Years Resolution” bull-donkey crap. I was going to start that day– the day before new years AND on a Thursday, no less. None of this “I’ll start Monday” crap. Life doesn’t start on Mondays, you life is right now, it isn’t going to wait on Monday to get here for you to “be good”. I did GREAT on WW throughout 2016. I lost 30 lbs, then I hit the dreaded plateau where I just couldn’t lose anymore pounds to save my life. I had hit a rut and all I wanted was ice cream and more ice cream, with a dash of kit-kats. Because.. ooooh child….. do I love me some ice cream and kit-kats. I joined a gym in April 2016 and went 3-4 times a week ALL year (minus 1 week where my lower back decided that I needed to sit my happy ass down and rest). I am continually proud of myself for actually going, and at 5-5:30 in the MORNING, at that! Also, anyone who knows me knows that I love me some sleep… Oh, do I! I worked out so much last year that I actually got this month free at the gym with my rewards points!
After hitting that plateau, I mentally went on a food eating frenzy. I ate and ate and ate. I wasn’t tracking my points for WW, and I could tell! I was dehydrated from not tracking/drinking the water I needed, I began feeling my pants getting tighter… and I was totally, and completely ignoring my scale. I like to say that I put that bitch in the corner and it couldn’t come out until it apologized! I ignored my scale for 2 months (because of course I wanted to eat a bunch during my birthday month… then Thanksgiving came… excuses, excuses, excuses, blah blah blah).
It was 2 weeks before Christmas that I finally made peace with my scale, dusted it off, and stepped on it… only to find out… it was still a little bitch…. a little digital, cold, heartless little bitch. I had put on 10 lbs since I had hit my plateau months before. I had ignored myself, ignored my goals, and let my old habits take hold again. I had felt disappointed in myself once again. So… even though I KNEW Christmas was coming, and that meant my mom’s cookies were in my near future… I threw out all the junk food in the house and started to detox from my old habits. I began to track my food everyday again, and not eat too much candy and pace myself on my mom’s Christmas cookies. I did good and I began to feel better.. not only about myself, but just physically, I could tell the difference between my old self and the me that tracked what I ate.
Its been a few weeks since then, and I have steadily been tracking what I eat, staying within my WW daily points, not eating out as much (and eating salads if I do…. minus the trip to Austin, which… well, when in Austin, eat as the foodies do), and bringing my lunch to work. Since the beginning of the year (which I didn’t track my weight in my WW app for December… it was too depressing).. I’ve lost 6 lbs. And I’m feeling more and more proud of myself again. I’ve already hit my goal for the month (which is to lose at least 1 lb per week). If you think about losing 1 lb a week, that doesn’t seem like much… BUT if you lose 1 lb a week, that’s 52 lbs in a year! That would make me little miss skinny-minnie (*insert sassy whistle here*). This month, my little mini “monthly resolution” was to not eat any sweets… and I’m proud to say that I am 22 days clean. But Lord, I can’t wait for February 1st to have a little slice of something… anything sweet! But going to pace myself.
I feel like I should introduce myself as, “Hi, I’m Jill. And I’m a sugar-holic. It’s been 22 days since my last irresistible, sweet bite of glorious fro-yo.”
So, I am vowing to myself… not only because I get married in 62 days (but who’s counting)… but I’m going to stay on-track with my WW and see what I can really accomplish! I AM going to hit goal weight this year… I AM going to continue to be proud of myself… I AM going to try to encourage others to accomplish their goals… I AM going to continue to be ME…. and I AM going to live this little thing we call LIFE. Every day is a gift, and sitting here wasting it away elbows deep in a gallon of Blue Bell isn’t really being gracious for that amazing gift (even tho Blue Bell is the bomb.com (kids still say that don’t they??)). I am going to show appreciation to myself and give myself what I deserve-> A happy, healthy life that I can be proud of.
Here’s to LIFE and to HAPPINESS and to GOALS!
^^I’d say I am doing pretty good! ^^